PAGE ONE (4 panels)
Panel 1. A nameless MAN stands before an open casket inside a church, staring with awe at the dead old man inside. WES, a local news reporter, watches this man with intense and hopeful interest. Wes has a stylus and a tablet in his hands, and he wears the stereotypical “press” hat. He sits in the front row of pews to get the best view of the action. The church is a packed house, and all of the people present are bizarrely cheerful, as far as funerals go. A second nameless DUDE stands beside the first nameless man; he’s only here to be used as a visual gag in the next panel though. The dead man is in a very expensive suit, and the casket looks pretty classy.
1 MAN: I can’t believe he’s really gone--
Panel 2. The nameless man’s expression changes to total elation as he high-fives the nameless dude. But in spite of the high-five, the nameless man is actually facing us, the readers, for maximum silly effect. Wes rolls his eyes and slumps his shoulders with disappointment.
2 MAN: --This is the happiest day of my life!
Panel 3. (This panel and Panel 4 should ideally be side-by-side in a row.) Wes extends his hands out to his sides, frustrated. The tablet is in his lap now, but he’s still holding the stylus in his right hand. The other hand is pointing a thumb toward something in Panel 4. Wes isn’t talking to anybody in particular, though people give him odd stares.
3 WES: Oh, come on! Doesn’t anybody have a fond memory of this chump?
4 WES (connected): And what’s the deal with the photo they picked out for him?
Panel 4. A blown-up photo of the dead man is on display near the casket, from when the man was a little younger. In the photo, he is threatening a child with a knife. A SKINNY GUY next to the photo shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly.
5 SKINNY GUY: It was the best picture we had.
PAGE TWO (5 panels)
Panel 1. NINA, an early 20s young woman, leans forward in her pew directly behind Wes. She has spunky hair but is otherwise appropriately dressed for a funeral. We’ll soon find out she’s the deceased’s granddaughter. Wes tips his hat to Nina.
1 NINA: What’s it to you anyway, pal? If these people wanna make light of the old-timer, it’s no skin off your nose.
2 WES: Maybe, maybe not, miss. The boss says my writing is too sensational.
3 WES (connected): I came here angling to pump a human interest story out of this sad sack.
Panel 2. Bird’s-eye view of the room, looking down on the chirpy funeral-goers. A few shirtless people in shorts are knocking around a beach ball in the pews. Some people are wearing party hats. There is a couple making out against a wall. Feel free to add in any other horrible things you can think of. Wes and Nina just stare at the spectacle.
4 WES: Instead, I show up to find I’m covering spring break.
Panel 3. Nina has a bittersweet smile, eyes narrowed.
5 NINA: Yeah, grandpa always did have a way of bringing out the best in people.
Panel 4. Wes lights up, eyes bulging to inspect Nina.
6 WES: Grandpa?
Panel 5. Wes extends an excited hand to Nina.
7 WES: Hello, meal ticket! The name is Wes.
8 WES (connected): Now get all weepy and tell me about the time he bought you a bunny!