The below is printed here for posterity and as evidence of my ownership of this
proposed work of comics fiction.
Black Magic Mastiff
Synopsis: Joe and Stan, fifth graders, perform a
black magic ritual out of a dusty, old book at their school’s empty library. At the same time, the school science fair is
going on, in which Joe and Stan are participating. They intend to summon a dog from the
netherworld that specifically subsists on eating kids’ homework, so that they
can use it to hunt and eat the science fair project of their worst rivals. The plan backfires when Stan accidentally
skips a paragraph in the ritual, and they summon a dog that subsists on eating just
kids. The dog chases Joe and Stan into
the science fair, where it starts eating kids whole left and right. Just when it seems the student body is
doomed, Joe takes their rivals’ science fair project—a stinky gunk developed to
discourage rabbits from approaching garden vegetables—and dumps it all over
Stan. When the dog gulps up Stan, it
gets nauseous and subsequently vomits up all the kids who had been eaten before
they could get digested. The dog is then
caged by the teachers, who immediately award Joe and Stan’s rivals with first
place in the science fair for developing an anti-killer dog sauce. Joe and Stan resolve not to consult black
magic to win the science fair next year.
Estimated Length: Short story, five to eight pages.
Porcelain Prince
Premise: Percy Palumbo is a motivational speaker whose
nerves always get to him in the minutes leading up to a speech, incurring in
him an unshakeable urge to poop. In his desperate
pursuit of a working bathroom, complications arise and wacky hijinks ensue as
Percy races against the clock to clear his bowels and deliver a great speech. This happens to Percy with such regularity
that, in hushed tones, people have begun to speak of a mythical “Porcelain
Prince” who conquers all manners of challenge in pursuit of a toilet.
Estimated Length: Variable.
The basic concept lends itself to a limitless number of short, self-contained
episodes—one story, two stories, eighty stories. Basically until we get bored or I run out of
ideas.
Miscellaneous
Narrative Ideas:
·
Percy could be giving a speech in a low-income
neighborhood, and the graffiti-covered bathroom that he needs to use is
controlled by a local gang. Percy must
demonstrate his “street-ness” to the gang in order to earn the right to use the
bathroom.
·
An alligator is occupying the stall Percy
needs. Alligator wrestling happens. Seriously.
·
Taking an odd twist on scenes from Titanic and Metal Gear Solid 2, a basement-type area in a building could have a
bathroom flood so severely that there is a foot of water through which to
wade. Percy cannot afford to get his
good clothes wet, so he would need to procure the use of a conveniently-located
canoe and paddle to traverse the basement and reach an accessible toilet that
is just barely above water.
·
An ancient, decrepit bathroom at a shopping mall
turns out to be haunted by a dead Valley girl.
Unable to do his business with a ghost watching, Percy must help the
Valley girl move on to the next side if he is to use the toilet in peace.
·
A “rival/villain” will eventually appear in the
guise of the “Party Pooper,” a fiend who is always clogging toilets and
rendering them inoperable just before the Porcelain Prince arrives to use them. Maybe the Party Pooper is even a fellow
motivational speaker.
I Lost My Mind
Premise: An amnesiac named Dr. X has literally lost
his mind and needs to retrieve it. He
finds himself in an impossible fantasy world rendition of the Earth, where
animals speak and create societies. Being
the only person in the world who lacks a mind, Dr. X uniquely possesses the “Power
of Insanity,” which allows him to bring any object instantly into existence on
a whim, ranging from spoons to giant monsters.
Anything Dr. X can imagine can be created through the Power of Insanity,
but since his only goal is to retrieve his mind, he does not suddenly grow an
army to conquer the planet. This story
would occur in three overall phases, one which occurs on Earth, one which
occurs in outer space, and one which occurs paradoxically inside of Dr. X’s own
brain. A sabre-toothed tiger named Light
guides Dr. X for the Earth portion. A
giant bat named Dark swallows Light whole, and Dr. X rides around on Dark for
the outer space portion. For the final
portion inside his own brain, Dr. X is guided by Dr. Y, who looks exactly like
Dr. X except with a slight change in hair style. Dr. Y also possesses Power of Insanity. Dr. X ultimately has to fight and absorb the
essence of Dr. Y to retrieve his mind.
Estimated Length: Ongoing series with a definite end in mind.
In
a Nutshell: I’ve had this idea in the back of my head for
at least a couple years now, and at the risk of making you roll your eyes and
back away from the computer, I suppose you could call this my “magnum opus”
idea. The whole story is basically an
exploration of what it means to be human, except animals/aliens are used as
stand-ins/metaphors for people. Light
and the Earth portion are basically a study on sociology, focusing on relationships
between people. Dark and reclusive outer
space represent human psychology, focusing on why people behave as they do in
the first place. The final phase inside
Dr. X’s head is all about “You” and would specifically focus on how a human
sees him or herself personally. In
defeating and absorbing Dr. Y, Dr. X reconciles his self-image and gains a new
understanding of himself. The kicker is
that, at least the way I see things right now, “Dr. X” himself probably never
existed in the first place, and even Dr. X is just a cartoony avatar of the
person really experiencing this dream adventure. I think it might be amusing if the final page
returns to reality to find that the person experiencing the adventure was just
a girl in middle school or something like that.
I recognize it’s a really, really big and wild idea, and I know it’s not
even smart of us to want to tackle something this big right now. I thought I would mention it anyway though,
just so that all my cards are on the table.
